It Doesn’t Always Have to Hurt: 12 Alternatives to Self-Harm (The LGBTQ Edition.)
01 Dec 2011 Comments Off
in Articles by Ji, Connection Tags: Articles, Family, FTX!, holiday, jianda monique, LGBTQ, love-u-ality, sexuality, spirituality, you are a superhero
It Doesn’t Always Have to Hurt: 12 Alternatives to Self-Harm (The LGBTQ Edition.)
by Jianda Monique
Folks in the LGBTQ community, in my little family circles anyhow, are sharing with me that they’re feeling this amorphous and nameless pressure, amped up to 11 that much more during the holidays, as the year comes to an end.
I’ve fashioned together a bit of a Keep Calm & Carry On “play list,” a checklist if you will, to hearten and hold you fast through the next little while. Let’s just keep looking at the stars: always sparkling through the gorgeous velvet darkness in the sky, regardless.
12 Alternatives to Self-Harm (The List.)
One: Love Your Projects.
It seems simple enough, and it’s even easier to forget. You don’t need to take a break from your Post-It sketches, building ziplines or obstacle courses for your cat (make-believe or otherwise), your RPGs or anything else you’re working on in order to be “on” for others during the holidays, or any other days. Love.Your.Projects. All ways. That is all.
Two: Laugh.
There’s more than a little bit of truth in humor. If you’re feeling borderline, I highly suggest easing off the sarcastic strains, but drinking from a cup of bitter might be what you need to take the edge off. Just enter laughing as often as much as possible, eh? (Sandra Valls)
Three: Model Through It.
It’s not faking it ’till you make it: striking a pose and embodying all that is fabulous is real, yo. Are you *sure* fashion is a luxury? Don’t knock it ’till you try it. Now prance, I said! (Distinguished Cravat)
Walk…now werk…walk…now werk.
Celebration Remix (Madonna/Oakenfold)
Four: Move With Jillian. (Or Bob. Or…You Know…Just Move!)
Taking a walk is most ideal, communing with nature, or “becoming one with the elliptical,” whatevs. It’s amazing what a difference even a few minutes a day will make. (Jillian Michaels @ YouTube)
Five: Sing It, Honey.
There’s a tribal tonality, an earthtune, a uni-verse (one song) that we truly tap into when we sing. Whether it’s our own song, or a sing-along. If privacy is an issue, headphones and humming are a damn good start. Singing in Mind, even. It’s been said that actors who are playing a part may know in their mind that they’re acting, but their bodies don’t know the difference. In my experience, singing can be similar. Sweet or bittersweet, catharsis and renewal happens in song. Make yourself at home (empowering ditties recommended through the New Year).
Six: Meditate, Affirm, Repeat.
Spiritual practice or no, meditation and power thoughts help even the most rational or cynical of souls. Power from within, rather than power over others, positive visualization, and *planned relaxation* provide a lot to look forward to, and that’s just the beginning. There’s no “wrong” way to do it, either. In this instance, all you’d need to do would be to close your eyes and click this video–not necessarily in that order. (LouiseHay.com)
Seven: Are You Laughing Yet?
Try again.
(Drama Queenz)
Eight: Escape.
The amount of media out there that’s available, folks going through the same things you’re going through, it’s ever-abundant, like never before. Just a couple bytes away. If you gotta just zone out and “watch your stories,” then do it. Even just watching queer TV changes your molecules. Like, for-evah-evah. Sometimes, ain’t no time for exercises, musing, philosophy or anything else. Making room for that is important. If you don’t, no one else will.
Drag City DC takes you through many, many days “in the life.” Some smiles, some tears…makes you realize life could be better, or even worse (these royal queens do a lot of charity work in this series, in the same vein).
Nine: Don’t Grit Your Teeth. B A R E Your Teeth.
“If you don’t have any shadows you’re not standing in the light”― Lady Gaga
As long as you’re expressing the darkness, the shadows, the ouch! of it all, you’re still creating something. It counts. And it heals. Even if you think it feels *bad,* it’s cathartic. So you’re really tricking yourself into feeling good. Don’t worry, it can just be our little secret, Liebchen.
A scar, though, is a memory of a hurt. You can just forget it too. Let it go, you know.
But for now, just start shadow boxing and mirror dancing and smear that lipstick across yer face…just put your paws up, already. Riao!
Ten: Get X’ey.
Just close your eyes and get sexy with life. Indulge. Explore. So many people phrase this better than I do. I’ll let Violet, GV & Margaret Cho explain. Safe + Sane + Consensual expression always wins the day and ups endorphins. I chose this video because Margaret Cho is so unapologetic about her desires, and this touches on flipping your own damn script (for example: why be FTM when you wanna be FTX? Or, no label at all, or one way one day, another way…you see where this is headed).
Why do people do it anyway? They wanna feel good. Some say self-harm (as opposed to a safe/sane/consensual exploration of sensation of body/spirit terrain) is a feelgood kind of a release. That’s between you and your maker. I myself don’t agree with that, especially when it’s borne of feeling bad and ruminating there–living there. Moving in the direction of feeling good, whether it’s an iota or a country mile, is progress. Sensuality is a pleasant (and hopefully very scenic) shortcut. Too, it’s lovely. Just because.
Eleven: Begin. Again & Again & Again.
Just because you f*ck up (and according to whom?) doesn’t mean you are a f*ck up. Or maybe it’s just life, or how you feel about life. Maybe life seems unbearable. Just start over, reboot, do-over, begin again. Change your mind about it, walk away from “the ever invisible it,” return when ready, begin again. Nothing ever goes on your permanent record in the scheme of eternity, does it?
New Year’s Resolutions aren’t always fair when you’re working through stuff: you may or may not want to look that ritual in the eyes in the coming year, but you can always resolve to change your mind right now. Where your mind goes, your heiney follows.
(RuPaul)
Twelve: Consider Alternatives. Take It Easy.
Turning away from ideas that make you feel worse is half of the battle. When it’s hard to come up with your own helpful ideas to keep you moving past the halfway mark to feeling better and better, ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little (or a *big*) ask.
Whether you’re a boy at heart, a girl at heart, or an X at heart, “asexual, any-sexual or no-thanks-sexual,” there is always room for you in mind and heart. Be it mine, yours, the world’s, or that of the universe. All you need to do is scoot a lil’ bit over, just a teensy bit, keep adding to this list, and make a little room.
Now…
A little more?
Helpful Resources for Speed Dial (All FREE):
RAINN 1.800.656.HOPE
The Trevor Lifeline 866 488 7386
Multi-Denominational Spiritual Hotline 1-800-421-9600 / 818 556-2298
~
Muse Along With Me.
xo,
Jianda Monique
(♥)(♥)(♥)
Now Playing:
Lady Gaga – Born This Way (Live on SNL
From: | May 22, 2011 |
